March 29, 2004
Hurry
I thought about it. I wasn't sure if it was safe to post. I don't know. Let me just say that if you do know who I am, please don't let other people know that this is where I blog, that this is where I talk to myself. So I ask you, please, keep mum. Also you might not know what I’m talking about. As I said, this is where I talk to myself. This place is more for me than anyone else.
I am so relieved that she called today to tell me that it wasn't my fault. That none of it was my fault. She said that she believed that I might have thought that it was my fault for the situation that you are in right now. She told me that it was your own fault that you are not able to pull yourself out of the shit-hole that we got you into. Although I helped you into that shit-hole, I was not to blame. Because you should be strong enough to get out of the shit.
Also, she told me not to contact you again, as this would only open the gates to your hell, your suffering.. as right now, you are wounded and hurt. And the reason why when you speak to me, only hurtful words come out is because you're wounded, and the wounded lash out. I understand that. You need to forget me. To forget what we shared. To erase all such memory from your messed up brain. To concentrate on your exams. To get all your As.
Only.
Only I do still want to talk to you.
I’m so sorry that I was not there when you needed me. I just wish that you will one day be able to forgive me. I really think that this is the best, us not being together. It is the best in the long run. I am so sorry for what I did. Or what I didn't do.
This sappy entry sucks big time. I never do this. I never get this sappy. And especially, not in situations like this. Crying in movies is fine. Not this. I don't cry over things this.
I’m so sorry I fucked up your life. I still love you.
Get over me soon please. So we can speak.
Posted by Suan at 09:14 PM | Comments (9)
March 28, 2004
hmm
The previous post got deleted. Because. I think. I deleted it. It must’ve been me. If not, who else? I vaguely recall accessing mt and fiddling around with the stupid entries, it must’ve been 4am. I must remember the things I do, really. This is how I nearly ‘lost’ my passport. I had ‘kept it in a safe place’ so people won’t steal it right (we all know how much the Malaysian passport is worth)? Hah. I forgot where the secret safe hiding place was and thought that it got stolen, so then I reported it to school and they advised me to not report it to the police yet as I might have just misplaced it. I was so convinced that it was stolen.
Xian came over.
She found it in a white envelope in a shoebox under a pile of books.
I love her.
Posted by Suan at 07:42 PM | Comments (2)
March 25, 2004
Wheeeeeeee
I thought I posted this up already :P wheee..
Aaronis so soooo nice :D
click click
Posted by Suan at 01:31 AM | Comments (19)
Birthday again?
Had a birthday dinner with my uncle who came from dunno where (he's always travelling) and his daughter, my cousin, came from Penang. Met up in London. Went to the 'Malaysian Kopitiam'. Had NASI LEMAK!! I can't wait to go home, I'll eat as much as I can and come back looking like a severely bloated blowfish.
My cousin's such a genius, she's graduated Magna cum Laude, whatever that is from Cornell. Not only did she go to an ivy league school, but she was there on scholarship too! She decided that she wanted to do medicine, so then she's here applying to do medicine! Whee, she'd be graduating the same year as me, either that or a year before, depending if she wants to do an intercalated BSc degree or not. I doubt it, since she's already got her US degree.
My brother's girlfriend gave me an epilator. Something to keep me busy..
Posted by Suan at 12:02 AM | Comments (2)
March 24, 2004
Well let's see. What I did today. Well nothing much. I went to school. Got presents, more presents. Lovely. Kristy, where's mine? :D Was given a big huge LONG balloon by a friend. The tip looked positively disgusting, and if anyone has half the degree of the perversion of my mind would think it looked like a really huge nipple. It was strange. It was a long green thing which reminded people of a nice long *cough* *cough* *penis* but then the tip just looked like a nipple. So anyways, being the really disgusting me, I did the action of licking the 'nipple' :P Four seconds later, I put it on the table.. And two seconds after that, it burst. So the lesson of the day.. Don't lick things, lest they explode.
12356789
/edit
Sigh. Kiasu-ism. An issue I shall address another time when I have more time. Right now, I need to just sob my eyes out because I have work to do.
Posted by Suan at 02:04 AM | Comments (0)
March 23, 2004
On my birthday
Shit happens.
.--------------------------------------------------------------------.
| Session Start: Tuesday, March 23, 2004 |
| Participants: |
| Aine (********@hotmail.com) |
| ...nd tired of constantly being changed (***********@yahoo.com) |
.--------------------------------------------------------------------.
[08:58:28 AM] My nickname : back already
[08:58:47 AM] * Aine is now Away (idle)
[08:58:51 AM] * Aine is now Online
[08:59:12 AM] My nickname : don't you think she looks really good in
the turtleneck?
[09:02:05 AM] My nickname : hello?
[09:02:08 AM] My nickname : hello?
[09:02:10 AM] My nickname : hello?
[09:06:14 AM] Aine: speaking on the phone with parenst
[09:06:28 AM] You have successfully received C:\Documents and
Settings\Aine\My Documents\My Received Files\pic.jpg
from My nickname is sick and tired of constantly being
changed.
[09:06:29 AM] My nickname : oh okay
[09:15:18 AM] Aine: hey i need to go bed now
[09:15:20 AM] Aine: sniff
[09:15:20 AM] Aine: byeeee
[09:16:02 AM] My nickname : you didn't answer my question
[09:16:05 AM] My nickname : but nevermind
[09:16:09 AM] My nickname : you always ignore me anyway
[09:16:10 AM] Aine: sorry
[09:16:16 AM] Aine: ask your questions again?
[09:16:19 AM] Aine: question
[09:16:25 AM] My nickname : scroll up your history
[09:16:39 AM] My nickname : i sent you that picture for a reason
[09:16:41 AM] My nickname : didn't it cross your mind?
[09:16:57 AM] Aine: yes yes
[09:16:58 AM] Aine: ah
[09:17:09 AM] Aine: i think she looks better real life
[09:17:24 AM] My nickname : my question was
[09:17:38 AM] My nickname : "Don't you think she looks really good in
the turtleneck?"
[09:17:42 AM] My nickname : it wasn't
[09:17:51 AM] Aine: oh right
[09:17:52 AM] Aine: ok
[09:17:54 AM] My nickname : "Do you think she looks good in this
photo"
[09:18:03 AM] Aine: no not relaly. i don't think so
[09:18:18 AM] My nickname : why?
[09:18:21 AM] Aine: hehehe
[09:18:27 AM] Aine: i think she looks nicer
[09:18:38 AM] Aine: she can look better
[09:18:40 AM] Aine: if you know what i mean
[09:18:54 AM] My nickname : no i dun get it
[09:19:01 AM] My nickname : she looks nicer in what?
[09:19:11 AM] My nickname : she can look better in what/by doing
what?
[09:19:11 AM] Aine: SHE CAN LOOK NICER. sorry say wrong thing
[09:19:26 AM] Aine: heheheheheheheheheh
[09:19:39 AM] My nickname : you're being terribly oblique
[09:19:50 AM] My nickname : i send you a photo, and ask you a
question
[09:19:50 AM] Aine: oh sorry
[09:19:58 AM] My nickname : you say, "No not really"
[09:20:08 AM] My nickname : and I ask you why
[09:20:09 AM] Aine: that's how i speak la.
[09:20:11 AM] Aine: my god
[09:20:23 AM] My nickname : no, i'm asking you a question
[09:20:28 AM] Aine: ok fine
[09:20:30 AM] Aine: now i tell you
[09:20:33 AM] My nickname : the least you could do is answer it
[09:20:52 AM] Aine: honestly, i don't think that she looks good
in that picture
[09:20:57 AM] Aine: she just can look better
[09:20:59 AM] Aine: she just can
[09:21:01 AM] Aine: i don't go noticing her
[09:21:02 AM] Aine: that's all
[09:21:07 AM] Aine: i've seen her look nicer
[09:21:09 AM] My nickname : I AM NOT REFERRING TO THE PICTURE
[09:21:13 AM] Aine: but i don't notice what
[09:21:15 AM] Aine: she wears
[09:21:16 AM] My nickname : THE PICTURE WAS MERELY A REFERENCE
[09:21:22 AM] Aine: i don't know la ok
[09:21:23 AM] My nickname : DON'T YOU GET IT?
[09:21:25 AM] Aine: i don't know what she's wearing
[09:21:27 AM] Aine: just don't annoy me
[09:21:28 AM] Aine: be
[09:21:29 AM] Aine: byte
Posted by Suan at 01:40 AM | Comments (11)
Me, a year older
*blink* and it's the next day already. I don't feel older, just feel old. I've been feeling old for a while already. I'm going to tell all my juniors in high school right now that they should enjoy life while they're in high school. I'm going to turn into one of those cynical old people. Oh help me.
Posted by Suan at 12:00 AM | Comments (2)
March 21, 2004
Zzzzzzzz
Hm.. what have I been doing since Wednesday... I don't know really. Nothing much. My friends threw me a surprise party on Friday night, only it wasn't really much a surprise, considering that I already knew about it. My friends were so obvious about it that it pissed me off. Blegh. Oh well. So I had my fair share of fun, pretending that I had to be in London on Friday because my friend was leaving for Malaysia on Saturday, and I just HAD to see him before he left.. Hyukk hyukk. My friend actually said, "Hey I'll go to the airport with you to see him off on Saturday if you want, I need to be in London then too.. Don't go on Friday!!" Hahaha. I wuff my friend. :D So cute.
Neways, on Saturday. We went to play pool, we started at 1.30pm and ended at 7. The rates are seven quid an hour, ten quid for the whole day. So obviously, we played the whole day. Yippie. Then later, I learnt how to play mahjong. So interesting. It was really difficult for the rest to teach me how to play, because I don't know chinese.. and then the numbers were in chinese characters (well some were just three circles for three, four circles for four and.. well yeah and so on).. Numbers weren't that difficult, I already know what one two three look like. And last night I learnt four looked like a window :P And blablabla. The difficult part was the chinese characters, those that actually meant something. At 6am in the morning, we were still playing.. and at that time.. all the damned chinese characters looked the same to me, so I lost.
Posted by Suan at 07:27 PM | Comments (16)
March 17, 2004
Typical Wednesday
Sigh. Honestly. This is what happens every wednesday. I wake up too late to go for my first class at nine fifteen, this is because.. my housemate wakes me up normally, but she has class at eight twenty five on Wednesdays. So wheee.. Skipped Biology again. SHe's going to kick my butt tomorrow when I see her, argh. Test tomorrow. Dammit. I just hate Bio. (I don't know why I want to do Medicine haaaaaahaaaaaa haaaaaaaaa. I think I just like messing with people's minds and internal organs!! *evil maniacal laugh*)
Blegh. SO anyway, I finish at 3.15pm. I hung around, slept in school til about 5 when the others finish. Then I went to town with the rest, ate food. I notice I just keep eating. Have to stop it la. Dammit. Put on 12kg since January 2003. Dammit. But actually, that's not true. I have since lost about 3kg. But still, clothes getting tight.
Must start saving money already. I can't afford to spend ten-fifteen pounds a day. Arghhhhh.... Must start going home straight after school Must skip the stupid after school town outings!! arghhhhhhhhh dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Oh oh I wanna go homeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Home here i comeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. 3rd of April.. coming soon!! WHeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Posted by Suan at 09:19 PM | Comments (6)
March 15, 2004
Fuck them
What's wrong with the world? I was just reading yesterday's newspapers and and and and.. talk about my eyes detaching themselves from their sockets, and what I read pissed me off AGAIN. When I first heard, I got a 'bit' pissed off. Now, ugh. I hate them. I hate. I hate those people. Those murderers. Why do people have to kill innocents? By all means, go to the center of THEIR gathering and blow themselves up, I DON'T CARE, who really gives a shit? Better for the rest of the world. I hate them.
During Chem class today, a helicopter flew by, it was flying relatively low. Of course there were remarks about how 'Oh no, the terrorists are going to attack US!!'.. right. My teacher said, "Well class, now let's just worry when there are more of them flying by, ok? In the mean time---" He was cut off. Suddenly one more flew by, and another, and another! Three (the 4th one, wasn't really one, was just the first one flying by again, according to Mr Observant) !!! Wheee adrenaline rush. Haha, nothing happened obviously.
Posted by Suan at 06:25 PM | Comments (2)
March 14, 2004
Things have changed.
X, Y and Z are close friends of A. A one day decides to be petty and quarrels with X about being petty and they decide to be pissed with each other. So A and X do not speak. So A comes whining to Y. Y is surprised. A doesn’t normally talk much to Y even though all four of them hang out very often. (ie A is close to X and Z while Y is close to X, and through that connection, Y is close to Z and A.. get it? :P)…. So A tells Y that he likes this girl, B and complains about how X is so petty. Y is obviously feeling weird as she thinks how come he’s suddenly confiding in her. But as soon as X and A make up, A chucks Y aside. Well, it’s not really obvious. But if you were Y, you would have felt the chucking aside. I did.
Posted by Suan at 12:35 AM | Comments (2)
March 13, 2004
Pool and Stuff
After school, I wanted to go to the sports centre to play tennis. It's probably the first time that I wanted to go, everyone was so shocked. Normally I'm the lazy one, would stay at home while they go to the sports centre. Heh. But as fate would have it, it rained. So blegh. The day I want to play tennis, it rains. Ugh.
So we went to watch Mona Lisa Smile.. FANTASTIC SHOW. I give it four billion thumbs up! I cried of course. Over and over.
Pooool was fun! After the movie we decided to play pool. I've only just got back. Caught the last bus.. lucky. If not I would've been forced to walk back! Was too tired to walk back. Lucky lucky me.
Cel : The exams were for a duration of about two three weeks. So then in between papers I had time to study also. So I did study quite hard. Came back from college everyday without going to town. Was no fun, but outcome, happy. Could've done better in the studying subjects, but then again, I HAD NO NOTES. Whine. Had to borrow them after James had finished studying them. I suck. Bio sucks. I hate bio. Who likes leaves and plants anyway. The human bio part was interesting tho.
*rant*
Physics 3 - I found out my raw marks today. The raw marks would be say the amount of correct marks out of the total number of marks in the paper. Which actually means that even if I got 51/60, I might still be able to get 90/90 after they uniform the marks (Some statistical weightage something or other)..
Okay so, i found out that I got 66/80. But when they applied the uniformed marking system (or whatever it is that they call it), I got 111/120. I was so happy. BUt then I found out, a friend got 70/80 (FOUR MARKS HIGHER THAN ME), and HE GOT 120/120. GROWL. But no matter.. And physics 4.. ugh. I got 44/60 and once converted I got 77/90 (overjoyed because I thought I would fail).. My friend who got 51/60 got 90/90. I hate him. No I don't but nevermind. I shouldn't complain. I shouldn't :D
Muah world.
Posted by Suan at 01:20 AM | Comments (8)
March 12, 2004
Results!
I totally forgot about this day, until my friend said, "Hey, let's go collect the results together!!" Wheee... 11.03.04. Whoever is into the lottery, shuffle the numbers or something, SURE to get something out of it! Considering I didn't study at all for the Christmas holidays (I didn't go back to Penang cos i wanted to study, fat hope, POST CHRISTMAS SALES BABY!!!) and only started studying when term started on the 5th... and the exams on the 8th.. I think I did considerably well!! :D SOOOO HAPPY...
I'm going to brag now, so please bear with me. I know that the results are not as impressive as some of the people in my school, but know this, I feel like crap because I know that it just wasn't my best. Dammit. I hate this feeling. I hate. I hate. I hate! At least, when everyone went out for the Chinese New Year reunion dinner on the eve of CNY, I didn't go but instead I stayed at home! Because I had to study for my Chemistry exam, and I did weeeeeeeeeell!!
Sigh. I don't understand how someone who claims to love me so much send me a message like :
"If you ever use studies and the need to focus as an excuse again, that would be lame. You know you'll make it easily, so give me something better will you?"
I finally told him that I have no more feelings for him and that he should just totally forget me. He loves to emotionally blackmail me. He KNOWS that I have the weakest resolve ever, if someone gives me some sob story I'll eat it up like pie. I am so weak. Blegh. So I steeled myself and said, "If I had feelings, or if I don't have feelings for you, I'm going to tell you I don't have any more feelings for you. So please, don't annoy me futher." He at least could've been happier for me about my results. But I can't really blame him for being grouchy, he didn't do too well.
LOOKIE LOOKIE
-END-
Posted by Suan at 12:43 AM | Comments (14)
March 11, 2004
Spooky
Sigh. My really good friend studying in the US came over, he's in London now. He's here because his girlfriend from KL wants to study in the UK and is looking at the universities, doesn't know which one to choose. Hm.. should I meet them? Afraid the girlfriend might be a little jealous. Because this guy and I kinda liked each other once upon a time.. And while they were still together, I didn't know. Lucky it didn't go further than a small 'like'.. heeeee.
I got this in an email. It spooked me out. I couldn't even go to the toilet alone. Blegh. I'm such a chicken-shit.
Posted by Suan at 01:02 AM | Comments (15)
March 10, 2004
Just disgusting.
Had the best day.
Not.
Had a nice chat with my lovely friend today. I am not in the best of moods. It started at 5 (this online chat, the argument already started LAST THURSDAY , ie the 4TH!!!!!) and just ended.
Chern : He DOESN'T CARE if he lives far way. And that's not the real reason why we don't want to go anyway!! We go other places that are further anyway. oh i am so pissed off. I just had that conversation. Ugh.
cel : He says he WANTS to drill me, wtf, DRILL ME??! Just because he's some super smart guy, who got into Cambridge.. WTF?!!?!!?@?@?@?! Wtf is drill... some crude way of saying he wants to have sex??! Arghhhhhhhh *STAB STAB STAB*
aaron: if he steps into my house I WILL STAB HIM.
eyen : Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy *sob*
Posted by Suan at 08:56 PM | Comments (3)
Ugh
Technically, it's still Monday, I haven't slept yet.
A friend wants to have a lunch thing on Saturday, at his place, he cooks. But each time we go there, it's really very very inconvenient. His house is really far away, it's four pounds away for those without bus passes. It doesn't help that he's got this most bossy nature. Sigh. But sometimes it's really difficult to say no. I tried.
Me : I can't make it Saturday.
Him : Why not?
Me : I have to go to London, I need to go shopping, buy stuff, girl stuff.
Him : Go on Sunday.
Me : Can't, have three tests on Monday, I have to study on Sunday.
Him : Well study on Saturday then. I can drill you once we're done with the lunch.
Me : No, I'd rather just study on Sunday, if I study on Saturday, I won't be able to remember anything on Monday!
Him : What's wrong with you? What's so difficult about coming over?
*sigh* He just keeps on PUSHING IT, I really don't want him to. I really don't want to go. All of us who got invited really don't feel like going, but then again, he's a really nice guy and we really love his food. We just don't feel like going so far away. *sigh*
Posted by Suan at 02:02 AM | Comments (6)
March 09, 2004
Annoying Habits
Some people in school can be obnoxious. You know there will always be *one* smart ass in class, right? Wrong. In my class, there are *two*. Oh I apologise, in my CLASSES there are TWO. One of them has the exact time table as I do, and the other one is in three out of my four subjects. So can you imagine the hell I'm in? So anyway, Smart Ass One said to me, "You know, I just can't stand the way she (refers to Smart Ass Two) speaks to the teacher, it's like she knows everything and she speaks like she thinks that he is wrong.." .. .. .. I replied, "Well to you, there is just one her. To everyone else in the class, there are both of you. So how on earth do you think we feel?"
Well he seemed to think that when he spoke his mind in class, which is very often, he spoke it with a manner of which he THOUGHT gave the impression that he was merely questioning the teacher in the sense that he wasn't sure and he wanted to just clarify. I said hah. NO. That's something for him to think about tonight before he sleeps.
I hope.
Wheeee Jasmine made me pork rib soup!! :P Yummy!! Nevermind that she didn't put ANY pork ribs in my portion of the soup, it tasted lovely anyway! And she brought it for ONLY ME! I wuff my Jasmine!! :D She's absolutely the best person in college I tell you. I must get her something when I go back in Easter. I must I must IMUST heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Posted by Suan at 01:49 PM | Comments (13)
March 07, 2004
The best thing since sliced bread!
Honestly, I have to say that the best thing that I've tasted in a long time is this :
You HAVE to try it. If anyone wants, tell me! I'll bring back! It's so nice!
Posted by Suan at 08:53 PM | Comments (3)
March 06, 2004
ADORABLE!!!
http://www.stud.ntnu.no/~alexann/
GO SEE GO SEE GO SEE!! :D
Posted by Suan at 11:36 AM | Comments (5)
Solitaire!
I didn't shower after I came back from the party. But because it was just a dinner, I didn't sweat at all. And also, I bathed before I went out! So then, I'm not all *that* filthy.
Just played solitaire. Wins-Losses-Draws : 8-7-1. FAAAAAAAAAAANTASTIC. Overall I won. But I'm still losing. I only found out about a week and a half ago that there was this percentage winnings and stuff like that, and HAHA. I didn't realise, so then I didn't really bother winning (ie I wasn't as competitive). And when I found out, I realised my percentage wins were 34%!!! It's now 44%. I'm getting better. Happy Happy. I want to only play with WN because we started the game together, and our standards are kind of on par, so then it's fairer. I think. So fun :D
Wheeeeeeeeeeee Solitaire is no longer a solitary game. Wheeeeeeeeee. Fun Fun FUn FUn!!
Going to bed now. Tomorrow I have to be up at about 8.30-9.00am because I need to be in London!! Argh!! I have to report my lost Malaysian driver's licence and my ID card!! My pocket got picked a long long time ago :D Heh heh heh.
Muaaaaaaaaaaaah world.
Posted by Suan at 01:34 AM | Comments (0)
March 05, 2004
A clean slate
Ah, wonderful. The first entry. Well I've decided that my wicked ways shall have to go and now I must turn over a new leaf. I will be now a very hardworking and responsible young adult. I will keep reminding myself of the difficulties my parents are facing (ie they're paying through their noses for my fees).
And even though the pound has dropped (Wheeee 6.9 apparently!!), it is still a significant amount and it is nothing to be joked around with. One double cheeseburger although might cost 99p, it is still RM7 (an amount which would enable one to buy a whole large double cheeseburger meal in lovely Malaysia). But, what is this.. After living here for about a year now, I've come to terms with the fact that if one converts everything, one would not spend. And not spending is a good thing, except when you are in a land of *huge* sales (discounts up to 75% off or even more!), there is no such thing as 'not spending'. The most will-powered one will not even be able to resist such temptation.
The A-Level results in Singapore came out a few days ago, or yesterday even. My friend, who has just joined the college in September, sat for the A levels in Singapore but she wasn't sure if she had done very well for it, so she decided to retake A levels before the results were out. Hah. She got AAA for her Singaporean A Levels, which is I can tell you no easy feat as the gov makes them do the most difficult syllabus. BUT ANYWAYS.. Congrats!!!
I'm off now. I just organised a friend's birthday bash. WHeeeeeee. HUngry hungry hungry!!!
Posted by Suan at 07:21 PM | Comments (0)